Just One of Those Days

Just one of those days
Where I'm convinced
That no body cares.

Were the days easier when I didn't love you?

Yesterday, he and I were having conversation with an adult about university. It was all very interesting, until the adult said THE most awkward thing that could possibly be brought up in that context:

"So, if you go to Queen's, and you go to McGill, that's not too much of a driving distance, you could still be together!"

At this moment, I cringed inside. We both shrugged it off, I, laughing politely, and he, replying, "We've still got another year so..."

Oh, how I wonder what was implied in that ellipsis. After that, my heart started getting intermittent feelings of adrenaline, which I eventually traced back to feelings of dread.

I'm completely aware that yes, we do in fact have another year, and a lot can happen in year. Meaning, I'm aware that we could break up. But I also think that things could work out.
So I have two theories about what the ellipsis could've meant. First, he could be trying to cover up for my benefit. I'd like to think that this relationship problem of indefinite duration is common to most, if not all relationships, especially between adolescents. So, maybe he's feeling the same I am: he doesn't know where things are going, but he doesn't want to make me feel trapped, just like he doesn't want to feel trapped. By reminding us that we still have another year reminds us that maybe we'll fall out of love, but we'll be fine. And then we'll move on with our lives, and remember each other as the ones that we first loved.

But there's part of me that believes the second theory, which is that he's totally closed to the idea of being with me after high school. I'm afraid that I'm just the one he'll remember from high school, and that' all I'll ever be. That could happen, but it upsets me because that's not what I want. That's what I'm willing to accept, but it's not what I want. And I'm afraid because what he said once, which at the time really hurt me, could actually be true.
"I just think that the longer we stay together, the more it will hurt if we break up."
This preceded the response of me saying, while drowning in my own tears, "If you want out of the relationship, then just end it now." I think that's the most hurtful thing I've ever said to him because he didn't want that.
But he could be, and probably is right. I know that the pain the end of our relationship would be surreal and numbing, and it'd take awhile to be ok again.
And that's the pain that I now know as the adrenaline feeling in my heart. I'm afraid of the pain I'd feel if this ended. I really didn't know what I was getting into when I said those three words:
"I love you."

Was it easier when I didn't love him? Maybe. Probably. But I don't regret anything about us. It just makes me who I am. But it was easier when I didn't know the potential of the pain I could suffer.

But I know that if anything bad were to happen, it would be the same for him.

So maybe everything will work out, and he'll be the one I marry and spend the rest of my life with.
Or he'll be the one that I remember as the first one with whom I ever fell in love.

HOLYFUCKINGTITSCHRISTMOTHERFUCKERJESUSTAKETHEWHEELHOLYSHIT

... I finally wrote part of a chorus I actually like.

We'll see where this goes..

Here's to Hope

In hoping that you understand. I'm not going to shut down like I usually would. Here's fighting myself. Here's fighting the insecurity. Here's fighting being mean towards me. Here's fighting for our friendship.

Inferiority Complex

noun A persistent sense of inadequacy or a tendency to self-diminshment, sometimes resulting in excessive aggressiveness through overcompensation.

Double Entendre

I've decided that I'm living for myself. I'm living life the way it's meant to be lived: in the moment, no one bringing you down. I don't mean living selfishly, but I need to be me. I've spen way too long caring what others think. I won't do that any more. I'm angry I've let myself get like this, because it hurts all of the time. But it won't any more. I'm going to love. I'm going to laugh. I'm going to live. You've hurt me. You've taken me for granted. You're rude to me, and I just take it. Well, I won't now. You'll see soon these changes I've made. You'll know soon the mistakes you've made. I'll forgive you. And you'll forgive yourself. I'm not being mean, I'm just being real It seems to me you don't care what I feel. I've always played nice, I've always been there And in the end you just don't seem to care. Show me you do. I love you, and I'll never leave. But you have to stop hurting me.

13

Two kids were walking home together one ominous June afternoon. A heavy heat hung in the air as dark clouds loomed above, threatening to burst into a mighty storm. They were pretty good friends, and had been for a few months now. Though, he had begun to have feelings for her, feelings which were unrequited at the time. She really only liked him as a friend, and wasn't too interested in a relationship anyway. The two kids walked side by side, talking about the day's boring math class, orchestrated by an enthusiastic teacher to kids who were only day dreaming of the impending summer. Days in the classroom had grown too hot to actually concentrate on learning. As they walked, the girl wondered if he was thinking about kissing her. She wasn't sure exactly how she felt about this, but was too afraid to think about anything past the possibility. Suddenly, a few rain drops hit the girl's arm. "I think it's starting to rain," the girl said, "and I'm pretty sure I just heard thunder." "Maybe," the boy said, "Hopefully we don't get caught in the storm." But they did. It started pouring, thunder clapping and lightening striking the sky, as the two kids laughed and quickened their pace. "Give me your backpack," the boy said to the girl, "We're gonna run." And so, amidst the booming storm, the girl gave him the backpack, and they ran together, as fast as they could. They ran all the way into their neighbourhood, rain hitting their heads, lightening striking excitement into their hearts. They had never felt so exhilerated in their lives, running like they were for their lives, laughing and screaming in joy. They made it to the girl's house after about ten minutes - the boy wanted to make sure she made it home safely. As she approached the door, she turned to him. "Are you going to be okay to get home?" she almost yelled over the sound of the storm. "I'll be fine. I just wanted to make sure you made it home." He replied, and he gave her a goofy smile and turned to leave. He made it home safely that day. They were friends for the next year, and then they graduated elementary school together. Once high school came, she never saw him again. He moved five hours away, and they never really kept contact. Now and then the girl thinks about him, and what he's like now. Sometimes she wonders whether or not she actually was in love with him, and maybe she should've tried to kiss him herself. But I was so young back then.

Apparently

... I've got some crazy subconcious brain block going on. I haven't been able to write a decent song since December. I'm ok with making good piano chord progressions and melodies, but I can't find words. I can't find what I want to make it all pretty and rhyming. The problem is that every time I attempt to write some form of lyrics down, all of my jumbled thoughts come rushing forward, all crowding into each other, subsequently blocking the passage of any of the thoughts. It's incredibly frustrating. I have a theory that I have to spend some time clearing my brain first, and find some inspiration. That's actually the biggest problem, inspiration. I keep thinking I have enough to write about, and I think I do, but nothing comes as I try to summon words to describe it. Tonight, sitting at the piano, I started 3 songs. And each time after writing only one stanza, I would decide that I hate the song and give up. So now I'm left with two options: I can either try forcing myself to sit in front of the piano every day trying to write a song, or let inspiration find me without trying. Honestly, the latter feels like the better option at this point. Maybe if I just start by writing words down, something will eventually enter my brain that's worth forming into a song. It's just frustrating because this used to come so naturally. And it's like I've lost it. Can all lost things be found again?

Lover

Dear Lover, I love you.

"Get Over It."

I say to myself. Because it's not your fault, not at all. I love you still, and I always will. But it only comes down to one thing. Jealousy. I've experienced this before. Just when I thought I was feeling pretty secure in a friendship, something happens, someone happens, and I just... don't. Here's how I feel: for one, inadequate. I've always been insecure about how others perceive me, so it makes sense that I'd feel this way when you talk about being so excited to go see them. I feel like my presence isn't exciting enough. And it's probably not. "Get over it." I repeat to myself. Honestly, I don't even know what I want from this situation. I'm just feeling really alone. I know I have other friends, but they all have someone else, or don't need someone else. And I have him, but I can't destroy the standing structure we have; he has his friends, his people, and I have mine. But the thing is, I won't try to change anything. I'll just sit back, because you're happy, and that's all that matters to me. You're happy, they make you happy. You don't know this, and maybe you never will, but I'm always trying to impress you. I'm always seeking your approval. I always worry I've said something stupid and you'll stop talking to me. I always worry that you don't care. I always worry that you won't need me as much as I need you. I can make a generalization about this, and my life: I'm scared of the people I'm really close to, because they know how to break me. OK, well, hopefully I feel better after this. There's always tomorrow, right? And if you happen to read this, let me know, because I'd be willing to talk about it. Don't get me wrong, soulmate, I love you and you're my absolute best friend. I just worry that I'm losing you because of this deep rooted feeling of inferiority. There will always be someone better than me.

Religion

... it didn't stick with me.

I went to a Catholic school for 10 years: baptism, first communion, confession, confirmation and all. I was a good little catholic girl, praying to God every night and going to church on Sundays.

Then high school happened.

After that, I really found it hard to value the beliefs that Catholics have. This blog post is not going to bash the Catholic religion of course... in fact, I wish I could believe.
I did some quick research and found a religion I could follow: realism. I know nothing more about this religion than believing in what you can see and what can be proved by science and logic.

But the question is: What makes you happier: believing in something or not believing anything that can't be proved?

Believing in nothing makes sense in my mind. You go with what you see, you hope with what hope is presented to you. Science explains everything in my mind. Science AND logic. Your religion, or maybe lack thereof, is right in front of you: hardcore facts that aren't faith based.
I like these things. I like knowing for sure.. because when I don't, I feel like I can't fully understand.
I find it impossible to believe in things that can't be explained. There has to be a logical reason for everything. It's just easier that way.

I don't fully understand the Catholic religion. They are so nice to us who comply, and yet so horrible because it doesn't accept homosexuality among other things. Isn't Jesus supposed to love us all?

But honestly, I wish I could believe in something. I wish I could have faith in something that can't be proved... it's a more comforting life to lead. You're not so lonely, because God is always there to hear your prayers. You can pray to him for a miracle to happen, to save the ones you love. You can believe in a better place after death, instead of nothingness and your soul being banished forever.
Those are the things I like about the Catholic religion. But I just can't fully believe with my whole heart in those things. I can only find comfort in what I can see in front of me.

Does this make me a bad person? And I know that religion is a sensitive topic, so I apologize if I offended anyone. Except not really.

Because this is what I believe in.

I hate how people are so torn by religion. That's all it does it divide people. Religion makes war. How does that even make sense, when religion is held so high?


And how does Jesus' face just show up in random places like on a dog or on a piece of grilled cheese?

Well, as lame as I am.

- K

Is It Possible

... to more than love someone? And if so, what would you call it?

It's like asking what you'd call the place beyond the solar system. Is it still called space, even into the black nothingness? And where does it begin?

Just like space, you never know where love begins and ends. Space could begin right infront of your face, just like love at first sight. And contrary to some belief, love can last forever just like space does, going on and on and on even after life has finished and all you're left with is nothing.

I bring this up because I had the impulse to tell him that I more than love him. I decided not to, because I wouldn't have an explanation as to what I meant by that. I can only explain that telling him that I love him doesn't feel like enough.

For most people, taking the leap from "I like you" to "I love you" is a huge deal. It's usually a mile stone for the relationship, and it taken seriously (The first time he told me he loves me was January 15..) See what I mean? It's a big deal, because there's a huge difference between saying "I really like you" and "I love you".

So would it be a bigger deal to take the step and say "I more than love you." ? Theoretically, saying that would totally change the relationship, if it was anything compared to the difference between like and love.
I want it to be a big difference.. I just have to find a new verb to suit it first. I want it to mean everything to me and him. I want it to make him know that I'm asking for forever.

Oh, how too young we are. Irrational, imaginative, naive. That's why I try to take it day by day, enjoying the now as opposed to the potential. Because nothing is guaranteed, on either side.



Side note.

I never want to forget the millions of stars as we kissed in your arms.
I never want to forget the smell of the air and the colours of the trees.
I never want to forget the things we laughed at and the things that we ate.
I never want to forget how we stayed up until 4am in the dark under the starlight.

Because I never want to forget the day I more than loved you.



Well, as lame as I am.


-K

I'm Catching the Next Flight Out of Here

... because this is where summer is, and I'm ready to move on. It's time to stop being scared, and closing my eyes to pretend that summer lasts forever.

I always thought that I needed summer to be happy, like a break from the real world, where I could fall into my alternate reality of the burning sun and cold ice cream. But after this summer, I think I've learned how to deal.

It was nice to have a break from school, that's for sure. I hate the constant stress that the school years bring, increasing with each passing grade. During these hot months, all you had to worry about was when to go to bed, when to get up, what to eat... and for some, a temporary summer job. Summer is just a massive vacation for the mind.
But this summer, I've also realized that you miss a lot of people. Everyone is doing their own things, as you are. Schedules never match up, and you end up going weeks without speaking to someone. I guess that's the trade off once you don't have the convenience of school to see each other every day.

I suppose I'm following the lead of Messed One, another fabulous blogger. She's making a change this year, for grade eleven. I think I want to as well.
She wrote about being more honest with people if she has a problem with them; she'll be more straight up with them in order to avoid any more drama than is needed.
I want to do that : pursue the journey of complete honesty. I would be a liar if I said I was going really do this, but I'm not lying in saying that I'll try.
It's time to live. I've figured out who I am by now, and what I am. Last year, at the beginning of the school year, I had just come back from a stint in the hospital. It left me changed, both physically and mentally. Last year was learning who I am and who everyone else is. It was like I was in training; I was learning how everything worked and where and with who I belonged. This year, it's time to live.

This year, it's time to appreciate everything and everyone I have.
This year, it's time to be brutally honest with everyone and myself.
This year, it's time to be more organized and succeed in school.
This year, it's time to think about the years to come.
This year, it's time to love and be loved.
This year, it's time to live in the moment, every single moment.

There is just so much to look forward to: friends' birthdays, autumn, dance, school activities, UVRing, Christmas... that's about as far as I can think right now.

As I sit here it is 7:22 pm on Labour day Monday, I come to a somewhat solemn realization: summer is really over. It's a bit sad, but at least I know one thing:

My flight leaves in 4 hours and 38 minutes, and it's taking me to a whole new place.

A place I think I'll love.

Have fun in school, kids.

Well, as lame as I am.

- K

Home

... is a place where you never feel alone. Home is where you can say or do anything, and not regret it.

I hate that feeling of being far from home. In my opinion, home is not your physical house, but the emotional things that are the collection of our lives. Home is the happiest place on the planet, far better than any luxurious hotel, placid beach or sparkling city.

There is no better place to create the most colourful memories than right where your home is, and with who your home is.

To me
Home is staying up until 3am with my two best friends.
Home is being out and lively with the wonderful people I surround myself with.
Home is all of the stuff that we all talk about.
Home is being in his arms.
Home is my family.
Home is being there for others who cannot find their way home.

Sometimes, you have to show lost ones the way. I've been lost, and sometimes, I really think I still am. But I've been lost enough to know how to manage. There's no worse feeling than the one of being far from home, just wanting to go back.

Whose home are you?






Well, as lame as I am.

- K

My Glass House

... is something that I keep to myself. My glass house is my sanctuary for feelings, thoughts, wants, and fears. My glass house is the most important thing in the world to me, and I hate when it's at risk of damage.

Right now, I feel as if there's a category 5 hurricane on the horizon ready to destroy my glass house.

I would be devastated if anything happened to it. For my whole life it has undergone many changes and renovations, reparations and improvements. I live alone in my glass house, under the protection of the cool, delicate surface.
But the problem is that I keep all of my most treasured things in my glass house, and any threat to it makes me panic. The thin, breakable walls just might, at any moment, give to the constant pressure.
See, my glass house was built on a beach near the ocean, surrounded by many other glass houses. They were all like mine, but each unique in their own way. Sometimes, I love living on the beach. Hot, sunny days are spent enjoying the peace and happiness living in the moment. These days, everything goes right.
But then sometimes, hurricanes roll through and it's a horrible time for my glass house. The high winds and rain threaten to shatter the walls and harm everything inside. Everything I hold so dearly to my heart.

I never know what to do when disaster strikes. Sometimes I choose to help break down the walls in spite of myself, just to get the pain over with. But sometimes, I can repare the broken walls. That is, with enough effort. I'm just afraid because I make the same mistake every time I try to repare the glass in the walls, since it's always the same things that break them.

I know I don't have a really beautiful glass house like some others do, but I like mine. It's the house I built myself, and the one I'm stuck with forever. I love it, and hate it at the same time; through the holes in the walls I can feel the cold air from outside creeping in. It makes it hard to sleep in my pretty house.

Sometimes I wish I could just move in to another glass house with someone else.


Well, as lame as I am.


- K

Time to Wake Up

... and realize you're going to be obligated to get out of bed before noon starting in about two weeks (18 days) because the big S is coming. That's right children: school.

Most people, including myself, just cringe at the prospect of school. We are reminded of the books, the pencils, the schoolwork, the homework, the tests and exams, and the hell that pertains to the constant stress of the student of today.
But, we are also reminded of the good things: seeing friends every day, school sports and clubs, extracirriculars, and the general routine of it all. Personally, the one thing I enjoy about the period between September and July is there's most often something to do at all times. Sometimes summer makes me feel like I'm rotting, and I should really do something productive.

The beginning of school is also the perfect time to change. What are you going to change this year, if anything? Some people might start actually getting serious at school, pledging to actually complete homework and study for every single quiz, exam and test. Some people might be starting a new job for the school year, finally having access to their own money and gaining new skills. And some people might be looking for some new relationships, either romantic or friendship, or both.

I know for sure that it was time to change in my life. I feel like at my age, it's time to start growing up and thinking about my future. My grades are going to count more than ever before, and I also have to start planning financially for university.
A part of me is scared to no end about the future. So much is happening so quickly, and life is changning without my control. But, I always have to remind myself that as long as I keep up with everything, I should survive. I should survive my new courses, extracirriculars, and my new job. Wish me luck.

Think about the changes you can make this year, and actually stick to the promises you make yourself. Set goals, perhaps? Trust me that organization will make your year so much better.

We are all going to have trouble letting go of long summer days and all of the fun we have. But at least we have all of the wonderful memories to hold on to... I know I do.

Thank you to everyone who made my summer the best it has ever been!


Take a deep breath and prepare yourself.

It's time to wake up.


Well, as lame as I am.


- K

You're Starting to Feel Like a Dream

... because you've been gone so long.

Of course, unlike last time you were gone, I'm not upset. This is because I know that you can't reach me that easily, and you're distracted by having so much fun at camp. I miss you like crazy, and I cannot wait for you to be home. The thought of you just seems so unreal now, because I only see you in my dreams, and in my daily thoughts (and when I stalk you on facebook, of course). It breaks my heart to sit here and wish you were here, and yet I can do nothing about it.

But I think your absence has an advantage. I've kind of rediscovered how to be alone, and the girl I was before I met you. I'm definitely not saying you've changed me for the worst; I appreciate the changes you've brought. But I forgot what it was like to be wishing for the boy, instead of in the arms of one.
I've been able to occupy myself these days, busying with a job search, friends, personal stuff... It's been good. I guess this is the self discovery I've been trying for this whole summer.

I've rediscovered my independence. I wasn't sure if it had been lost at all, because every time we were apart, I'd miss you and wish I could go back to the time that we were together. But now, I've accepted your temporary absence, and I'm not wishing to go back to when we were together. The difference between now and then has been established, and I'm only thinking of the future.

I never want to be away from you, because I love you more than you know. You've changed me a lot, but not completely. I'm still the same girl that at this time last year, self discovery was all that mattered.
You are going to be welcomed home with open arms. My arms are going to take us to a completely different place in that moment, where we are the only habitants. But I think for the future, I'll learn to appreciate your presence more, and have your absence not be such a devastating affair.

I am an independent woman, and I have friends that I love. Family that I love. Things to do that I love. This was the test to see if any of these things have been lost... but I don't think it has. All of these things can keep me stable when you're not here. And I think that's okay... it makes me confident that we can last a very long time since we won't lose anything in the process of forever.


Well, as lame as I am.

- K

Now Baby I Believe This is Real

... is a line from the chorus of "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, a new song that I'm obsessed with. Now usually I hate Katy Perry's music, but suddenly this, and California Gurls, have started to grow on me.

So, this song kind of inspired me to write. How I'm interpreting this song is that there is a young love that is almost every teenager dreams about. The line "You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream", and I guess this teenage dream is one where teens fall in love and things are happy and they work out.
I like how this song embraces the naivety of our kind: the teenagers. The lines like "You think I'm pretty without any make up on" or "Imma get your heart racing in my skin tight jeans" are something only a teenager would think. I believe these lines represent the mind of a teenager perfectly : we are old enough to think these thoughts, unlike children, though young enough to think these simple thoughts.

Us, as teens, are in this amazing stage of life where our minds can be so open to anything, and it's difficult for us to be realistic. We can dream of this plans to take us somewhere in life and believe that we really have everything worked out. Even though we really don't, most of the time.

But no one should stop us from our dreams because we are too young. Seriously, reach for the seemingly impossible. If we are going to make mistakes, it should be now, when we can. And when is the next time we're going to have time to think of these incredible thoughts, let alone have the time to live them out? We have time to day dream and imagine.

What are you day-dreaming?

As usual, I'm thinking about the future that I think I have figured out. I'm thinking about being a nurse or a doctor. I'm thinking about living in a really pretty and big house. I'm thinking about being with him forever. I'm thinking about the places I want to go. I'm thinking about what everyone else is going to do.

Make a wish now, because shooting stars don't last that long.


Well, as lame as I am.

- K

Everything Would Be Lost

... if I didn't have them.

Okay, so I'm stealing this stolen idea. life.is.beautiful came up with it first, then the.(beautiful).let.down stole it. Well, I'm next in the chain. I hope this inspires you too to appreciate the one thing that keeps us holding on : Friends.

I think there have only been rare occasions where I've actually felt accepted : this year, and grade 7. All of the other years I spent my time trying not to drown in the instability and insecurity within myself.
Take grade nine, for example. I arrived at a school where most of my friends were not going, except for two that... I wouldn't be anywhere without. I love them, and they love me, but during grade nine... I felt like they could move on and find other friends.. while I was just stuck. I was stuck and scared and took it out on myself. I realize now that people had been trying to reach out to me, but because of my intrapersonal problems, I couldn't accept them. I couldn't accept the fact that someone wanted to know me. Wanting to control everything, I kept people at a distance.
But somehow, those people stayed. I have no idea why. They deserve so much better than how I treated them, and how I treated myself. How could one of those people I pushed away so much be the first I'd truly love?

So, I've categorized.

TO OLD FRIENDS : You knew me before high school, maybe even back to first grade. You've stuck by me, knowing my every flaw and imperfection. I love you for that. And even though you've been with me a long time, I'll never take you for granted. Every day you send a beautiful smile my way, and you're showing me how to be okay, even after everything.
You are my twin, and you know what I mean by DJ4EVA.
You are my sun, and you shine and make me soo happy.
I believe that if old friends have made it this far, I know we can really be friends forever.

TO NEW FRIENDS : You met me during grade nine and ten. Some of you have known me at my absolute worst. I may have been rude to you in grade nine... but like I said, you lovely people have stuck by me. You stayed just in time to really learn who I am, without the eating disorder. And to the people I know now... you make me feel so secure. You've welcomed me into your friend group... and I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate it. It's so much fun to learn about each of you, and things we have in common. This includes everyone, boys and girls. Thank you so much for accepting me, and I'll be here for you no matter what.

TO A NEW BEST FRIEND : All I can say is that you've saved me from myself. You've showed me that I can sing, no matter how much I doubt the fact. You're a strong girl and I know you can do anything. Thank you for listening to me cry... on multiple occasions (I just realized I've cried in front of you like.. three times)



TO MY FIRST LOVE : You mean everything to me. I hope you know that. Over these months we've experienced many things... but I still remember every single word. Every single touch. Every single smell. Every single taste. Every single time you've said that you love me.






KAYYY TRUEEE It is currently 1:15 am. WELP. This was heartfelt.. but I think it was necessary. I get this euphoric feeling every time I think of the void that was filled this year. Thank you, once again, to every single person.


Well, as lame as I am.


- K

Love Lost is Love Found

... doesn't really make sense until you really think about it. Or you've experienced it. For example, if you find a guy/girl you really like, and things are going well. So well, that you seem to invest so much time in this person, in hope of getting something in return. Then you discover the heart breaking moment when : 1) she/he already has a mate 2) they just want to be friends 3) she/he is just not that into you.

It sucks... a lot. And it can cause major romantic life set backs. Before I was in a relationship, I was pretty sure I was going to be a nun for the rest of my life. VIRGN4EVA. After getting rejected by the last guy, I was pretty sure that there was no one else out there. (I was wrong, of course.)

But anyway, what I mean by the title is that sometimes you have to get rejected by all of these people in order to actually find the one. Obviously, if there is someone that you are definitely supposed to be with forever, then you can't spend too much time on anybody else. It's really just a process of elimination.

So, if you're one of those people that roll your eyes at couples PDA-ing (like my friends told me they do, because they are jealous .. and this was self-proclaimed by them) , don't give up hope. There is someone out there who is going to love every square inch of your soul.



My second topic, which I suppose kind of relates.. in a way... is a question I've been thinking about.



What's easier : falling in love, or falling out of love?



It depends. At first, there can be obvious choices, as I had thought. But then it's different if you apply it to particular situations. For example, it's difficult to force yourself to fall in love with someone you want to love. The feeling of true love cannot be forced, no matter how much you want it to.

And, on the other hand, trying to fall out of love is difficult, in the situation where you're trying to get over someone. If you're in love still and that other person breaks it off, how are you supposed to deal with that? Especially if you were so sure of them.

In my opinion, both are really difficult situations. It's sad, especially for the other person when they love you, when you're trying your best to love them. And then it's sad again when you have to see the person you love not love you.



My beautifully wise friend once told me something about love. He said that you're truly in love with someone under three conditions :



1) You'd be okay without anyone else but this someone forever.

2) You'd marry this someone.

3) You'd die for this someone.



Is he right? I like to think so. I guess it's about how much you can sacrifice for the one you love.



Who knows. All I know is it's best to wait for the one you truly love, so that you can be in love forever.

Well, as lame as I am.


- K