Religion

... it didn't stick with me.

I went to a Catholic school for 10 years: baptism, first communion, confession, confirmation and all. I was a good little catholic girl, praying to God every night and going to church on Sundays.

Then high school happened.

After that, I really found it hard to value the beliefs that Catholics have. This blog post is not going to bash the Catholic religion of course... in fact, I wish I could believe.
I did some quick research and found a religion I could follow: realism. I know nothing more about this religion than believing in what you can see and what can be proved by science and logic.

But the question is: What makes you happier: believing in something or not believing anything that can't be proved?

Believing in nothing makes sense in my mind. You go with what you see, you hope with what hope is presented to you. Science explains everything in my mind. Science AND logic. Your religion, or maybe lack thereof, is right in front of you: hardcore facts that aren't faith based.
I like these things. I like knowing for sure.. because when I don't, I feel like I can't fully understand.
I find it impossible to believe in things that can't be explained. There has to be a logical reason for everything. It's just easier that way.

I don't fully understand the Catholic religion. They are so nice to us who comply, and yet so horrible because it doesn't accept homosexuality among other things. Isn't Jesus supposed to love us all?

But honestly, I wish I could believe in something. I wish I could have faith in something that can't be proved... it's a more comforting life to lead. You're not so lonely, because God is always there to hear your prayers. You can pray to him for a miracle to happen, to save the ones you love. You can believe in a better place after death, instead of nothingness and your soul being banished forever.
Those are the things I like about the Catholic religion. But I just can't fully believe with my whole heart in those things. I can only find comfort in what I can see in front of me.

Does this make me a bad person? And I know that religion is a sensitive topic, so I apologize if I offended anyone. Except not really.

Because this is what I believe in.

I hate how people are so torn by religion. That's all it does it divide people. Religion makes war. How does that even make sense, when religion is held so high?


And how does Jesus' face just show up in random places like on a dog or on a piece of grilled cheese?

Well, as lame as I am.

- K

Is It Possible

... to more than love someone? And if so, what would you call it?

It's like asking what you'd call the place beyond the solar system. Is it still called space, even into the black nothingness? And where does it begin?

Just like space, you never know where love begins and ends. Space could begin right infront of your face, just like love at first sight. And contrary to some belief, love can last forever just like space does, going on and on and on even after life has finished and all you're left with is nothing.

I bring this up because I had the impulse to tell him that I more than love him. I decided not to, because I wouldn't have an explanation as to what I meant by that. I can only explain that telling him that I love him doesn't feel like enough.

For most people, taking the leap from "I like you" to "I love you" is a huge deal. It's usually a mile stone for the relationship, and it taken seriously (The first time he told me he loves me was January 15..) See what I mean? It's a big deal, because there's a huge difference between saying "I really like you" and "I love you".

So would it be a bigger deal to take the step and say "I more than love you." ? Theoretically, saying that would totally change the relationship, if it was anything compared to the difference between like and love.
I want it to be a big difference.. I just have to find a new verb to suit it first. I want it to mean everything to me and him. I want it to make him know that I'm asking for forever.

Oh, how too young we are. Irrational, imaginative, naive. That's why I try to take it day by day, enjoying the now as opposed to the potential. Because nothing is guaranteed, on either side.



Side note.

I never want to forget the millions of stars as we kissed in your arms.
I never want to forget the smell of the air and the colours of the trees.
I never want to forget the things we laughed at and the things that we ate.
I never want to forget how we stayed up until 4am in the dark under the starlight.

Because I never want to forget the day I more than loved you.



Well, as lame as I am.


-K