Stand Up

... because discrimination, bullying and rejecting people who are considered "different" is not okay. It is so far from it.

Specifically, I'm talking about people and their sexuality. For so long, the norm of sexuality was being straight, and people think it's the only way. But we need to wake up and see the change.

I'm writing this from the perspective of someone who is straight. I didn't come to that conclusion automatically; I've taken some consideration into the possibilities. But I know who I am, and society easily accepts it. So why can't they do the same for bisexuals/gays/lesbians/transgendered?
In recent times I've had more exposure to the new world, as I call it, which consists of more and more people coming out to be who they really are. I like this new world. Fortunately, I was brought into the new world to be accepting of everyone, no matter what. I think people need to be accepting too.

Honestly, LGBTs are not different than anyone else. They shouldn't even be called different, just because being lesbian, gay, transgendered or bisexual is slightly less common than being straight. Then again, maybe it isn't, and never was.
I think the thought of being LGBT is not a new idea, but people are less afraid to come out than ever before. Which, in fact, is a step in the right direction.
But there are still those who cannot easily accept this idea. They were fed thoughts of supposed normalcy for too long: a man born a man is a man who marries a woman born a woman. But, in this new world, things are different.

I can't say I know exactly what it's like, but all I can infer is that to follow the supposed "normal" trend of everyone else doesn't feel right for someone who is lesbian, gay, transgender, or bisexual.

You need to do whatever makes you feel happy. People like me will be here for you. Although there are those who say horrible things like "THIS IS SO HOMO" (like there's something wrong with homosexuality) or that there is something wrong with homosexuals. Just know this: there is something wrong with THEM, not you.

For those out there who are struggling with deciding your own sexuality, considering bisexuality, or dealing with coming out... two words.

Be strong.

Someone loves you.

Well, as lame as I am.

- K

Soon, it Will be Just Another Empty Room

... or atleast one furnished with completely different things suited to the owner's liking. Paintings were taken down, furniture moved out, but memories not erased.

I have this strange feeling of attachment to my boyfriend's soon-to-be ex house. He's moving to a new, bigger and better place after living in his house for almost five or six years. I mean, his place for the small moment is beautiful, but his next place is larger than life.
It's weird: I think I'm going to miss this house more than his parents are, just by the way they talk about leaving, and the new house. I can't say the same for my boyfriend, since he says that he's going to miss it. He grew up a lot here, and has had his share of some fun memories.
The memories are why I'm going to miss this house.. this house that doesn't even belong to me. But I think I have valid reason to; many "firsts" happened here.
It's difficult not being able to go back to the place where these things happened; where our relationship transformed into what it is today. This is the first house which I associated with the one I eventually fell in love with.

So many things to remember.

First kiss in the basement near the piano.
First legit surprise party.
First time using the barbeque to make dinner for his family.
First time for... other things...
First time I knew I was in love.

AH. So, as I left his house tonight, I was a little sad. It's always hard leaving something behind that meant something to you. Even if it's not actually yours, I guess it's still possible to develop emotional attachment.

So:

Dear Old House,

Be nice to the new owners, and don't come up with too many problems for them. No leaks, no structural problems, no availability for pests. You will be missed, no matter how excited they all were for the new house.


... I wish I could warn the new owners not to think about what happened in the master bathroom one rainy afternoon...


Wow. I think I've hit creepy rock bottom... you know, writing about my boyfriend's soon-to-be ex house.

For the win.

Well, as lame as I am.

- K

Being Away From Home

... has its upsides and downsides. I've learned that on my vacation away from home so far. Don't get me wrong : I've had a really great time with my mom and my sister, but I miss home already... and it's only been two days.
Now, I'm not only missing home for two days : I know that I still have until next Sunday to miss home. I get to come back for tonight, but then I'm off again to another mystical land of fairies and unicorns.
It's interesting to have a change of scenery for sure. I got to visit a really beautiful beach for which we had the perfect summer day. My skin tanned more, and I got to feel the freshness of the super clear water, and also gotten to eat some DELICIOUS food. It's been a lot of fun, but I miss home.
My summer so far has been really routine oriented. On a regular day with no particular plans (except for maybe seeing my boyfriend in the evening) I'd get up around 9am, have breakfast, go for a powerwalk, have a shower, eat lunch... and the rest of the afternoon was free. It's peaceful. It sounds boring to some people I suppose, and sometimes it is, but it's relaxing. Spending a whole ten months stressing about grades, social life and work really makes you appreciate nothingness a whole lot more. Doing nothing has never been so great in my life.
I've felt really self-concious when people would ask me what I was doing this summer. While people were going on super extravagant trips and camps and working at a cool summer job, I was here. Here, doing my little routine, not going anywhere in particular. And at that, only working one day a week (let's just say I'd rather be in math class every day than at my job).
But you know what ? Welcome to my summer VACATION. My family didn't plan to go anywhere (which, I would appreciate, but apparently SOME people in my family don't like to travel, so I've learned to accept it) except for where I am now, 3 hours away for two days. And I didn't choose to work more than one day a week for two reasons :
1) The money I get from that is enough to sustain me this summer.
2) I worked my ass off all year balancing everything, including my job, just to live. So I am done being stressed.

I think I'd just rather take it day by day, and make some spontaneous plans with my boyfriend and friends.

Wow. I can't believe it's nearly the end of July already.

Oh well, still have August.


Well, as lame as I am.

- K

Dream Me

... has a story.


There couldn't be any other way. I knew I belonged with James. I could never doubt the love I felt for this man, and never doubt the love he felt for me. We were perfect together: physically, intellecutally, emotionally.
But I knew something was getting in the way, and I only recently came to the following conclusion. It was someone getting in the way.
I had known Henry for only about a year. We have had so many great times together, and shared so many common interests. All interests except in each other, which eventually, I had been wrong about.
As I stared into Henry's eyes that cloudy afternoon, I could only think about the mistake I was making. I knew I loved James more; I didn't even love Henry. But something about those moments where I was kissing him felt so right. The feelings for Henry were unimaginable. The more we kissed the stronger the feelings got and I couldn't let him go.
But I knew my truth. I love James. He is the reason that I believe in true love. I had to let Henry go. And in a way, I had let part of myself go. The part of me that is doubt. Henry was my doubt for my relationship with James, walking away from me. It hurt so much to let him go, and I wished nothing had changed. But he walked. He walked away.
I returned to James soon after. He stood in the doorway before me, just staring. He stared as if he knew. We didn't say anything for awhile.
James wasn't angry. It was as if he knew what Henry had meant to me; had meant to our relationship. He knew Henry had been my doubt. But now, I was free of Henry, therefore free of any doubt. I had experienced my temptation, and had gained nothing from it.
James took me into his arms. He gazed upon me with his sky blue eyes.

In that moment, I finally understood the meaning of forever.





So, that wasn't a real blog posting.. but I didn't have anything to write about, so I decided to adapt the dream I had to a mini short story-ish... like taking on a different character.

Let me just say, my relationship is NOT in trouble. I think I had this dream because at that point, I hadn't talked to him in like.. three days.

Oh god, I need a life.


As especially lame as I am.

- K

Patience

... is something I really wish I had more of, especially today. Honestly, even though I hate to force time away as quickly as possible, it's all I can think about.
Take today. Today is a beautifully hot, July day. I could be relaxing and enjoying this summer day, like I should be. Summer is a rare occasion, so I should soak up every lasting drop.
But no, not today. I was informed last night that someone has to tell me something. Man, I hate when people do that.... even though I do it myself. "I have to tell you something." Okay... I really wish you could just tell me now because I have the same patience as a two year old.
For some reason, this is really haunting me. I feel like it could be something really bad. I'm slightly irrational, so I have many thoughts running through my head. It's horrible to be left with so much time and your own brain. I barely slept last night, barely kept breakfast down, and am constantly looking at the time, trying to rush it along.
I know I need to relax a little. But sometimes, I'm so sick of waiting. I miss this someone a lot since I haven't seen them for five days... so, I have good reason to be impatient.
Even though I'm kinda crazy.

I need something to pass this time. A hobby possibly. I went for a powerwalk today, which helped a bit... trying to get rid of the butterflies exploding up my esophagus.

But it's so difficult to wait.

I wish I had a time machine.

Well, as lame as I am.

- K