Everything Would Be Lost

... if I didn't have them.

Okay, so I'm stealing this stolen idea. life.is.beautiful came up with it first, then the.(beautiful).let.down stole it. Well, I'm next in the chain. I hope this inspires you too to appreciate the one thing that keeps us holding on : Friends.

I think there have only been rare occasions where I've actually felt accepted : this year, and grade 7. All of the other years I spent my time trying not to drown in the instability and insecurity within myself.
Take grade nine, for example. I arrived at a school where most of my friends were not going, except for two that... I wouldn't be anywhere without. I love them, and they love me, but during grade nine... I felt like they could move on and find other friends.. while I was just stuck. I was stuck and scared and took it out on myself. I realize now that people had been trying to reach out to me, but because of my intrapersonal problems, I couldn't accept them. I couldn't accept the fact that someone wanted to know me. Wanting to control everything, I kept people at a distance.
But somehow, those people stayed. I have no idea why. They deserve so much better than how I treated them, and how I treated myself. How could one of those people I pushed away so much be the first I'd truly love?

So, I've categorized.

TO OLD FRIENDS : You knew me before high school, maybe even back to first grade. You've stuck by me, knowing my every flaw and imperfection. I love you for that. And even though you've been with me a long time, I'll never take you for granted. Every day you send a beautiful smile my way, and you're showing me how to be okay, even after everything.
You are my twin, and you know what I mean by DJ4EVA.
You are my sun, and you shine and make me soo happy.
I believe that if old friends have made it this far, I know we can really be friends forever.

TO NEW FRIENDS : You met me during grade nine and ten. Some of you have known me at my absolute worst. I may have been rude to you in grade nine... but like I said, you lovely people have stuck by me. You stayed just in time to really learn who I am, without the eating disorder. And to the people I know now... you make me feel so secure. You've welcomed me into your friend group... and I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate it. It's so much fun to learn about each of you, and things we have in common. This includes everyone, boys and girls. Thank you so much for accepting me, and I'll be here for you no matter what.

TO A NEW BEST FRIEND : All I can say is that you've saved me from myself. You've showed me that I can sing, no matter how much I doubt the fact. You're a strong girl and I know you can do anything. Thank you for listening to me cry... on multiple occasions (I just realized I've cried in front of you like.. three times)



TO MY FIRST LOVE : You mean everything to me. I hope you know that. Over these months we've experienced many things... but I still remember every single word. Every single touch. Every single smell. Every single taste. Every single time you've said that you love me.






KAYYY TRUEEE It is currently 1:15 am. WELP. This was heartfelt.. but I think it was necessary. I get this euphoric feeling every time I think of the void that was filled this year. Thank you, once again, to every single person.


Well, as lame as I am.


- K