You're Starting to Feel Like a Dream

... because you've been gone so long.

Of course, unlike last time you were gone, I'm not upset. This is because I know that you can't reach me that easily, and you're distracted by having so much fun at camp. I miss you like crazy, and I cannot wait for you to be home. The thought of you just seems so unreal now, because I only see you in my dreams, and in my daily thoughts (and when I stalk you on facebook, of course). It breaks my heart to sit here and wish you were here, and yet I can do nothing about it.

But I think your absence has an advantage. I've kind of rediscovered how to be alone, and the girl I was before I met you. I'm definitely not saying you've changed me for the worst; I appreciate the changes you've brought. But I forgot what it was like to be wishing for the boy, instead of in the arms of one.
I've been able to occupy myself these days, busying with a job search, friends, personal stuff... It's been good. I guess this is the self discovery I've been trying for this whole summer.

I've rediscovered my independence. I wasn't sure if it had been lost at all, because every time we were apart, I'd miss you and wish I could go back to the time that we were together. But now, I've accepted your temporary absence, and I'm not wishing to go back to when we were together. The difference between now and then has been established, and I'm only thinking of the future.

I never want to be away from you, because I love you more than you know. You've changed me a lot, but not completely. I'm still the same girl that at this time last year, self discovery was all that mattered.
You are going to be welcomed home with open arms. My arms are going to take us to a completely different place in that moment, where we are the only habitants. But I think for the future, I'll learn to appreciate your presence more, and have your absence not be such a devastating affair.

I am an independent woman, and I have friends that I love. Family that I love. Things to do that I love. This was the test to see if any of these things have been lost... but I don't think it has. All of these things can keep me stable when you're not here. And I think that's okay... it makes me confident that we can last a very long time since we won't lose anything in the process of forever.


Well, as lame as I am.

- K