... today as I stepped away from the doors of high school and into a fun filled summer. It was such a weight lifted off my shoulders to know that school is done for two months and I have nothing to worry about when it comes to marks.
Though, I know that's not the case for everyone. Some will have to suffer the unfortunate wrath of summer school. I have sympathy for those who just didn't understand it at the time and couldn't pass the class and must subject themselves to half a summer of more frustration. But, I know there are some that didn't even bother trying. Honestly, acting like an idiot and not doing your work just screws you over in the end... especially with classes that you need to graduate. So for those people, they deserve to suffer summer school.
Ugh.. summer school. The ultimate disappointment. You think you're free.. but then you remember that you still have to continue into your so-called vacation. I don't have anything against it, I just have this childhood idea of summer being a time of freedom, pools, beaches, hot dogs, late nights.. all the great things.
I felt pressured to go into summer school, because a few of my friends are (by choice). I was thinking about it, and how I could do an English credit so I don't have it next year. But I realized that I might as well enjoy this summer, while I'm still young and careless. I know I'm definitely going to miss being 16, and the summer of 16 only comes once. After that, you work, then you die. (People will point out retirement, but you can't exactly do all the things you could when you were young, due to mechanical restrictios of an old body).
So, I thought I'd enjoy my summer. I'd enjoy my friends. I'd enjoy my boyfriend. I'd enjoy everything that's new.
Oh well.. if you're in summer school, have fun.. I guess it is supposedly easier than actual class.
I'll take it next year.
For now, I'm just running through the forest with my eyes closed.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Sometimes
... I wish I could just close my eyes and pretend it wasn't happening.
I wish it could be sunny when I really wanted it to be.
I wish she could just be okay.
I wish he could love her.
I wish that they'd never met.
I wish I could run naked through the streets during a rainstorm.
I hope he wants to marry me.
I hope I'll wake up and cancer is cured.
I hope there won't be any drama.
I hope we'll make it.
I hope that one day I'll really be free of this.
Always
... I do what my heart tells me.
I never give up.
I never stop laughing.
I know that either way, she'll be okay.
I know that he loves me.
I do everything I can to help.
I fight myself.
I wish there was more time.
I'll love them.
I'll love him.
I am me.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
I wish it could be sunny when I really wanted it to be.
I wish she could just be okay.
I wish he could love her.
I wish that they'd never met.
I wish I could run naked through the streets during a rainstorm.
I hope he wants to marry me.
I hope I'll wake up and cancer is cured.
I hope there won't be any drama.
I hope we'll make it.
I hope that one day I'll really be free of this.
Always
... I do what my heart tells me.
I never give up.
I never stop laughing.
I know that either way, she'll be okay.
I know that he loves me.
I do everything I can to help.
I fight myself.
I wish there was more time.
I'll love them.
I'll love him.
I am me.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Friday, June 25, 2010
Stop Stop Stop
... telling these things to yourself.
"I'm fat."
"I'm ugly."
"No one will ever love me."
"I can't wear this because my stomach hangs over."
"I wish I looked like someone else."
It's so typical for someone to tell you to stop thinking these negative thoughts. But I think it's something you need to do.
Just going shopping is a horrible self-deprecating affair. I love my girls, and I wish they could love themselves that way too. They're confident and beautiful, but still they take away from themselves.
All I know is that it's not worth it to point out your faults. Honestly, I've been too low to deal with self-hate any more, so I've been trying to give it up. Obivously, I still do it... but it's a habit that should be worked at.
So, a group of girls gather around a mirror (I don't know, do guys do this too?) And all they do is point out their faults to each other. Chances are, no body else notices what you notice in yourself. How? Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but you're with yourself 24hrs a day, and you have the brain space to think about yourself in this time.
NO ONE NOTICES ________________ ( enter supposed fault here)
So believe it.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. THERE IS SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU. LET THEM LOVE YOU.
You can only be truly loved if you truly love yourself.
Love you.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
"I'm fat."
"I'm ugly."
"No one will ever love me."
"I can't wear this because my stomach hangs over."
"I wish I looked like someone else."
It's so typical for someone to tell you to stop thinking these negative thoughts. But I think it's something you need to do.
Just going shopping is a horrible self-deprecating affair. I love my girls, and I wish they could love themselves that way too. They're confident and beautiful, but still they take away from themselves.
All I know is that it's not worth it to point out your faults. Honestly, I've been too low to deal with self-hate any more, so I've been trying to give it up. Obivously, I still do it... but it's a habit that should be worked at.
So, a group of girls gather around a mirror (I don't know, do guys do this too?) And all they do is point out their faults to each other. Chances are, no body else notices what you notice in yourself. How? Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but you're with yourself 24hrs a day, and you have the brain space to think about yourself in this time.
NO ONE NOTICES ________________ ( enter supposed fault here)
So believe it.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. THERE IS SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU. LET THEM LOVE YOU.
You can only be truly loved if you truly love yourself.
Love you.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The Prospect
... of summer is something to hold on to, and has helped me get through these exams that have raked me through the coals. I feel like summer can be the savior.
What do I expect summer to be? I guess I'd be basing the answer to that question on past summers and my favourite things about them. For example, staying up late watching movies, knowing I can sleep in the next day. I also love going to the pool with my sister, where it can just be spontaneous. Summer is a day-by-day thing... I think that's what is so peaceful about it.
Also, people look forward to vacations to new and exotic places. Europe, Asia, United States (they're pretty exotic there..). But I think the best vacation to take is a soul vacation.
What is this, you ask? Well, basically, taking a day totally for yourself. It seems simple enough, but a real soul vacation includes some sacrifices, like totally cutting yourself off from the internet world (including facebook, twitter, formspring [what the hell is this anyway?] and even from reading this blog). Your soul vacation is about you and your mind... you might learn a thing or two about yourself. And summer is the best time to do this, because you can go outside for a walk and enjoy the surrounding weather, and because you don't have any school work or other activities. Does anyone else do this? I do sometimes.
This is also the first summer that I have a boyfriend. I've been picturing all of the things we can do together, and obviously, I'm very much looking forward to that. There's that sense of spontaneity again, where we could hang out whenever. But the thing is... how much are we supposed to hang out?I mean, if I had it my way, I'd see him every day. But that's unrealistic, because we both have other things to do.. and I wouldn't want to get sick of him. Not saying I could... I never have, but you never know.
So I put a negative spin on that. I was thinking of erasing it, but I guess it's the truth. But I don't think I could get sick of him. We're going to have a really amazing summer together.
If you don't have any trips planned for far away, don't spend your summer wishing that you did. Summer at home doesn't have to be boring and horrible if you don't let it. Do some creative thinking and entertain yourself.
Summer
is
almost
here.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
What do I expect summer to be? I guess I'd be basing the answer to that question on past summers and my favourite things about them. For example, staying up late watching movies, knowing I can sleep in the next day. I also love going to the pool with my sister, where it can just be spontaneous. Summer is a day-by-day thing... I think that's what is so peaceful about it.
Also, people look forward to vacations to new and exotic places. Europe, Asia, United States (they're pretty exotic there..). But I think the best vacation to take is a soul vacation.
What is this, you ask? Well, basically, taking a day totally for yourself. It seems simple enough, but a real soul vacation includes some sacrifices, like totally cutting yourself off from the internet world (including facebook, twitter, formspring [what the hell is this anyway?] and even from reading this blog). Your soul vacation is about you and your mind... you might learn a thing or two about yourself. And summer is the best time to do this, because you can go outside for a walk and enjoy the surrounding weather, and because you don't have any school work or other activities. Does anyone else do this? I do sometimes.
This is also the first summer that I have a boyfriend. I've been picturing all of the things we can do together, and obviously, I'm very much looking forward to that. There's that sense of spontaneity again, where we could hang out whenever. But the thing is... how much are we supposed to hang out?I mean, if I had it my way, I'd see him every day. But that's unrealistic, because we both have other things to do.. and I wouldn't want to get sick of him. Not saying I could... I never have, but you never know.
So I put a negative spin on that. I was thinking of erasing it, but I guess it's the truth. But I don't think I could get sick of him. We're going to have a really amazing summer together.
If you don't have any trips planned for far away, don't spend your summer wishing that you did. Summer at home doesn't have to be boring and horrible if you don't let it. Do some creative thinking and entertain yourself.
Summer
is
almost
here.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Friday, June 18, 2010
Perfect Little Mary
... is that girl that we think is perfect. The girl who has everything, the girl who is gorgeous, and seems so happy. What could be wrong with her? Nothing. She's perfect. I want to be her.
But if there's anything I've learned this year, it's that not everyone is what they seem. Not even myself.
Perfect Little Mary is my friend. She's beautiful, strong and popular. She has so many friends, and most people love her. She leads a fun little life, just going through high school and making her place. Everyone sees the smile on the outside, but no one hears the crying on the inside.
Perfect Little Mary has a secret. I can hardly bring myself to even think of her disease without wanting to cry. Perfect Little Mary struggles with herself, to a severe degree. She's sad, and she doesn't know what to do. In Perfect Little Mary, I see me.
She has so much sadness and guilt, and she takes it all out on herself. Scars rake her body and she's become a slave to the porcelain. She needs an outlet for her anger, as she cannot just let go of it, like most people. But what do I tell Mary?
So far, I've told her that the longer it goes on, the harder it is to stop. I know that's something that helped me.. just thinking about the promise of next time would just be more challengning. Also, reaching out to people makes the process of recovery so much better, since everyone can be there for you.
But everything she does cannot just be switched off. Life would be so much easier that way. . and we could avoid years of therapy and relapse.
Perfect Little Mary scares me. She reminds me too much of myself. What I once was.. and on some level, still am. Somewhere. I feel like it's a dormant stage right now.. but I think it will always be there.
Perfect Little Mary, a message for you : Please stop this. I know it's difficult, but you have to try. I love you. I have so surpress my screams that build up in my throat when I think about what's happening.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
But if there's anything I've learned this year, it's that not everyone is what they seem. Not even myself.
Perfect Little Mary is my friend. She's beautiful, strong and popular. She has so many friends, and most people love her. She leads a fun little life, just going through high school and making her place. Everyone sees the smile on the outside, but no one hears the crying on the inside.
Perfect Little Mary has a secret. I can hardly bring myself to even think of her disease without wanting to cry. Perfect Little Mary struggles with herself, to a severe degree. She's sad, and she doesn't know what to do. In Perfect Little Mary, I see me.
She has so much sadness and guilt, and she takes it all out on herself. Scars rake her body and she's become a slave to the porcelain. She needs an outlet for her anger, as she cannot just let go of it, like most people. But what do I tell Mary?
So far, I've told her that the longer it goes on, the harder it is to stop. I know that's something that helped me.. just thinking about the promise of next time would just be more challengning. Also, reaching out to people makes the process of recovery so much better, since everyone can be there for you.
But everything she does cannot just be switched off. Life would be so much easier that way. . and we could avoid years of therapy and relapse.
Perfect Little Mary scares me. She reminds me too much of myself. What I once was.. and on some level, still am. Somewhere. I feel like it's a dormant stage right now.. but I think it will always be there.
Perfect Little Mary, a message for you : Please stop this. I know it's difficult, but you have to try. I love you. I have so surpress my screams that build up in my throat when I think about what's happening.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Monday, June 14, 2010
Liars
... are everywhere, whether you realize it or not. You're a liar. I'm a liar. We all lie to each other, for a variety of reasons.
Because of this variety, it's hard to decide whether or not lying is a bad thing. In some contexts, it is quite useful for avoiding some painfully awkward situations. But in others, lies are earth shattering.
I've lied a lot to get out of things I didn't want to do. They've been lies that don't directly hurt other people, or things... I guess just an inconvenience? For example, once, I didn't want to go to this girl's party, so I lied and said I had something to do that day. No one is really hurt by this... the girl having the party just missed my absence (except not really because she had 20 other friends to comfort her) . So that way, lying is okay. Also, I think it's okay to lie if someone has a terrible hair cut.. but you're nice enough to say it looks awesome. It's a beneficial lie, because the person you complimented just had an ego boost, and they like you, and you're happy because they like you (for the most part, anyway) .
But some people just ... lie. One thing that makes me soo angry are people who pretend to like other people, while really they hate them and talk crap about them behind their back. Seriously? Grow up. If you hate me, tell me to my face. Don't spread stupid rumors about me, don't hurt me and tell me you're kidding. Don't give me false hope. Let me accept the fact that I'm not accepted.
(I reread this after and I want to clarify one point : you can not like someone, and a solution is not to talk to them... I guess if you're not doing anything to hurt them, you don't have to say it to their face).
I've been backstabbed before. I was young, so it really made it hard to trust people in the future. And now I know someone who is going through the same thing (and I'm not supposed to know) and I wish I could say "DUMP THOSE LYING LITTLE BITCHES. IF THEY LIE TO YOU AND HURT YOU, THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS."
I feel very fortunate to have my friends. All of this drama is such crap. I know a lot of people lie and hurt others because they are insecure... but these people need to get over themselves and try to invest their time in something other than lying.
Why can't we all just be friends?
I'm glad I've found real friends.
You know who you are .
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Because of this variety, it's hard to decide whether or not lying is a bad thing. In some contexts, it is quite useful for avoiding some painfully awkward situations. But in others, lies are earth shattering.
I've lied a lot to get out of things I didn't want to do. They've been lies that don't directly hurt other people, or things... I guess just an inconvenience? For example, once, I didn't want to go to this girl's party, so I lied and said I had something to do that day. No one is really hurt by this... the girl having the party just missed my absence (except not really because she had 20 other friends to comfort her) . So that way, lying is okay. Also, I think it's okay to lie if someone has a terrible hair cut.. but you're nice enough to say it looks awesome. It's a beneficial lie, because the person you complimented just had an ego boost, and they like you, and you're happy because they like you (for the most part, anyway) .
But some people just ... lie. One thing that makes me soo angry are people who pretend to like other people, while really they hate them and talk crap about them behind their back. Seriously? Grow up. If you hate me, tell me to my face. Don't spread stupid rumors about me, don't hurt me and tell me you're kidding. Don't give me false hope. Let me accept the fact that I'm not accepted.
(I reread this after and I want to clarify one point : you can not like someone, and a solution is not to talk to them... I guess if you're not doing anything to hurt them, you don't have to say it to their face).
I've been backstabbed before. I was young, so it really made it hard to trust people in the future. And now I know someone who is going through the same thing (and I'm not supposed to know) and I wish I could say "DUMP THOSE LYING LITTLE BITCHES. IF THEY LIE TO YOU AND HURT YOU, THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS."
I feel very fortunate to have my friends. All of this drama is such crap. I know a lot of people lie and hurt others because they are insecure... but these people need to get over themselves and try to invest their time in something other than lying.
Why can't we all just be friends?
I'm glad I've found real friends.
You know who you are .
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Thursday, June 10, 2010
The Voice in your Head
... is hopefully yours. But it's the voice that you hear 24hrs of the day. You debate with it while making decisions in your daily life, and it convinces you to do things, to say things. And most of the time, you listen to it.
So this voice in your head... if you have to live with it forever, shouldn't it be saying the most postive things it can ?
Sometimes, it doesn't. Do you ever think about what you think about? Or what you say to yourself in certain situations?
I think your outlook on life is really based on what you say to yourself in your head on a daily basis, realizing it or not. And sometimes we say things to ourselves that are very counter-productive in life, and in our self esteem.
Take always dwelling on the negative as an example. If you come across a problem, a realistic way of thinking would be to weigh the pros and the cons, right? Or both sides of the story?
But what if we were so hard on ourselves, that we'd obsess over a small, horrible detail and let it ruin the whole situation? For example, if you definitely know the answer to a question on a test, and totally have no idea about another one... which one do you think about more? You probably go up to your buddy after class and say "Wow.. I totally failed #3." That just sets us up for more failure in the future.
Also, personalizing things. By that, I mean blaming everything on yourself. Like, if your parents get divorced, you might think it's your fault... but it's not. Or, if your friend is going through some crappy times, you might think his/her deteriorating state is your fault because you can't help them... but it's not. Sometimes, things happen. And everything happens for a reason.
I think people might find peace within themselves if they'd just change their way of thinking. What you say in your mind is like a tape recorder, and eventually, you beging to believe the negative tape that you put in your head. So, change the tape. To a positive one.
Or one with Justin Beiber playing. Whatever you prefer.
Just as long as it's not negative, self attacking thoughts.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
So this voice in your head... if you have to live with it forever, shouldn't it be saying the most postive things it can ?
Sometimes, it doesn't. Do you ever think about what you think about? Or what you say to yourself in certain situations?
I think your outlook on life is really based on what you say to yourself in your head on a daily basis, realizing it or not. And sometimes we say things to ourselves that are very counter-productive in life, and in our self esteem.
Take always dwelling on the negative as an example. If you come across a problem, a realistic way of thinking would be to weigh the pros and the cons, right? Or both sides of the story?
But what if we were so hard on ourselves, that we'd obsess over a small, horrible detail and let it ruin the whole situation? For example, if you definitely know the answer to a question on a test, and totally have no idea about another one... which one do you think about more? You probably go up to your buddy after class and say "Wow.. I totally failed #3." That just sets us up for more failure in the future.
Also, personalizing things. By that, I mean blaming everything on yourself. Like, if your parents get divorced, you might think it's your fault... but it's not. Or, if your friend is going through some crappy times, you might think his/her deteriorating state is your fault because you can't help them... but it's not. Sometimes, things happen. And everything happens for a reason.
I think people might find peace within themselves if they'd just change their way of thinking. What you say in your mind is like a tape recorder, and eventually, you beging to believe the negative tape that you put in your head. So, change the tape. To a positive one.
Or one with Justin Beiber playing. Whatever you prefer.
Just as long as it's not negative, self attacking thoughts.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
A Bad Day
... usually has specific components that award its title. There are small, bad things that happen all at once, which are usually manageable when they don't accumulate in 24hrs.
I don't usually have bad days; it's difficult to define a bad day, most of the time. Nothing serious happened... I guess it was just small things that all happened on the same day, which accumulated to one big, fat, ugly day. A rainy day. A working day. A lonely day. A day of desire but not obtaining. I hate those days.
I guess I'm not here to complain about it... just analyze it so I can prevent bad days in the future. Someone wise told me that a day only becomes bad when you think to yourself, "Today is a bad day." Apparently, you can always turn it around.
Maybe, once in awhile, we need a bad day. It kind of makes you realize the small things that make you happy. Like, for example, a towel. If you were having a bad day, as in it's raining, and you forget your umbrella, and a car drives through a puddle parallel to you and splashes a crap load of water all over your new shirt... a simple towel is going to seem like gold. Take also a hug. You probably get a hug every day. But after a bad day, as in getting a bad mark in math, getting in a fight with your friend, dropping a chocolate chip cookie you were looking forward to and getting yelled at by a teacher, a hug from Mom is going to feel 10x more comforting.
Bad Days are good. But not every day should be a bad day. If something crappy happens, sometimes you just have to move on. Laugh it off, even. Maybe doing that will turn your day around.
On a side note, my day was bad partially due to the fact I barely saw someone who is very special to me. It made me sad.
So, special person, I miss you.
Just thought I'd let you know.
That's kind of sad.. but this day is bad enough. So I'll try to end on a happier note.
Uhm.... puppies?
Oh well. I hold onto the fact that summer is coming soon. LOVESUNFRIENDSHOTGRASSBEACHESPOOLSLATENIGHTSSTARSICECREAMSANDALS
And RRREEELLLAAAXXXAAATTTIIIOOONNN.
And the absence of a teacher I HIGHLY dislike.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
I don't usually have bad days; it's difficult to define a bad day, most of the time. Nothing serious happened... I guess it was just small things that all happened on the same day, which accumulated to one big, fat, ugly day. A rainy day. A working day. A lonely day. A day of desire but not obtaining. I hate those days.
I guess I'm not here to complain about it... just analyze it so I can prevent bad days in the future. Someone wise told me that a day only becomes bad when you think to yourself, "Today is a bad day." Apparently, you can always turn it around.
Maybe, once in awhile, we need a bad day. It kind of makes you realize the small things that make you happy. Like, for example, a towel. If you were having a bad day, as in it's raining, and you forget your umbrella, and a car drives through a puddle parallel to you and splashes a crap load of water all over your new shirt... a simple towel is going to seem like gold. Take also a hug. You probably get a hug every day. But after a bad day, as in getting a bad mark in math, getting in a fight with your friend, dropping a chocolate chip cookie you were looking forward to and getting yelled at by a teacher, a hug from Mom is going to feel 10x more comforting.
Bad Days are good. But not every day should be a bad day. If something crappy happens, sometimes you just have to move on. Laugh it off, even. Maybe doing that will turn your day around.
On a side note, my day was bad partially due to the fact I barely saw someone who is very special to me. It made me sad.
So, special person, I miss you.
Just thought I'd let you know.
That's kind of sad.. but this day is bad enough. So I'll try to end on a happier note.
Uhm.... puppies?
Oh well. I hold onto the fact that summer is coming soon. LOVESUNFRIENDSHOTGRASSBEACHESPOOLSLATENIGHTSSTARSICECREAMSANDALS
And RRREEELLLAAAXXXAAATTTIIIOOONNN.
And the absence of a teacher I HIGHLY dislike.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Employment
... sucks if you're a teenager. Well, except for a select few who swing THE perfect job with THE perfect hours and THE perfect boss. But it usually doesn't happen that way.
I've learned that trying to find a job and then deal with having a job is a somewhat difficult task. It all started when I was old enough to send out my first resume, at age 15. I was so hopeful. I had good experience, good marks, required skills... I thought, how hard could it be?
Well, I picked up approximately 10 job applications, filled them out in my best penmanship (thanks grade three) and sent them in. And then the waiting game began.
No one, except one place, called back. 1 out of ten. 10%. I was devastated.
Well.. not really. But I did not understand why I couldn't get anything else. The one that called back is now my current employer. I guess I was "lucky" that way... but I still didn't understand.
I'd heard that a lot of people, especially teenagers, were having trouble finding employment. "The Downfall of our economy" was the most popular reason. So, the more people unemployed, the more competition I was up against. The more qualified competition. It's really unfair. It's not my fault I don't have university qualifications, or tons of previous experience, or even a high school degree. SORRY I WAS ONLY BORN LESS THAN 20 YEARS AGO.
So.. my wish is that maybe... some companies could find it in their hearts to hire a couple of poor teenagers?
Ugh. No chance. Companies are money, not human. It's all about the money... so they don't care about employing teens.. just as long as they have the most "qualified" person for the job.
(Although, who needs a university degree to flip a hamburger?)
Which makes business sense, of course. So basically, until our economy picks up, or being a teenager makes you the most qualified... we're screwed.
Well, at least we have parents. Athough, they only give us the minimum amount of money. That's the one tiny little upside of having a job is the MONEY. FREEDOM. Even though, most of the time, from my experience, teens get stuck with the crappiest hours, or none at all.
I wish we could live in a world with no money and rainbows and puppies.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
I've learned that trying to find a job and then deal with having a job is a somewhat difficult task. It all started when I was old enough to send out my first resume, at age 15. I was so hopeful. I had good experience, good marks, required skills... I thought, how hard could it be?
Well, I picked up approximately 10 job applications, filled them out in my best penmanship (thanks grade three) and sent them in. And then the waiting game began.
No one, except one place, called back. 1 out of ten. 10%. I was devastated.
Well.. not really. But I did not understand why I couldn't get anything else. The one that called back is now my current employer. I guess I was "lucky" that way... but I still didn't understand.
I'd heard that a lot of people, especially teenagers, were having trouble finding employment. "The Downfall of our economy" was the most popular reason. So, the more people unemployed, the more competition I was up against. The more qualified competition. It's really unfair. It's not my fault I don't have university qualifications, or tons of previous experience, or even a high school degree. SORRY I WAS ONLY BORN LESS THAN 20 YEARS AGO.
So.. my wish is that maybe... some companies could find it in their hearts to hire a couple of poor teenagers?
Ugh. No chance. Companies are money, not human. It's all about the money... so they don't care about employing teens.. just as long as they have the most "qualified" person for the job.
(Although, who needs a university degree to flip a hamburger?)
Which makes business sense, of course. So basically, until our economy picks up, or being a teenager makes you the most qualified... we're screwed.
Well, at least we have parents. Athough, they only give us the minimum amount of money. That's the one tiny little upside of having a job is the MONEY. FREEDOM. Even though, most of the time, from my experience, teens get stuck with the crappiest hours, or none at all.
I wish we could live in a world with no money and rainbows and puppies.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Monday, June 7, 2010
Nothing
... is ever as it seems. I know many have heard it before, and maybe don't take it seriously. It's weird, this year I've had so many experiences where I've learned things about people I never thought possible. So many secrets.
It's really a surprise what some people have been through. You think you have your own problems that only you deal with... but the truth is, there are so many people who are going through the same crap. I think it would be helpful if we all just talked about it.
What if we lived with no secrets? What if we all knew everything? This could make things better. Most people suffer in silence with whatever they're dealing with, often making it much worse. And by the time the truth finally comes out, it's already been so long.
What kind of things am I talking about? I guess they can range from hardly noticeable things to really severe. Some people have a secret reason for being mean and inconsiderate. Or some people who seem like they have it all don't take it for granted while most people see them as snobby because of what they have. There are some things that we all hear about, but never really associate with the people that surround us. Mental illness, being a huge part, along with everything it brings. Depression. Self injury. Eating Disorders. Alcoholism. Abuse of drugs. Mood disorders. There are so many effects it has on people, and while it's right infront of our faces, we often can't see it.
I've learned so many secrets that having a secret has almost become the norm, in my world. In other happier, more sheltered worlds, people don't deal with this. It just depends on the people you're exposed to.
I don't regret any type of exposure I've had, within myself, or anyone around me. I think it makes for a better perspective on life, and it's kind of comforting, in a way.
Telling people is a way to solve these problems.
It's so easy to minimize the silent suffering if we all just stood up and said it.
Say it. I dare you.
Sometimes the prettiest person is actually really ugly.
Sometimes the dumbest people just don't know how to express their brilliance.
Sometimes the meanest people are actually nice and just compensating for something.
Sometimes the quietest people just want to scream.
Sometimes the pessimists are just afraid to be hopeful.
Sometimes the most hopeful people have lost it all.
Sometimes the happiest person is covering their sadness.
So open your eyes.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
It's really a surprise what some people have been through. You think you have your own problems that only you deal with... but the truth is, there are so many people who are going through the same crap. I think it would be helpful if we all just talked about it.
What if we lived with no secrets? What if we all knew everything? This could make things better. Most people suffer in silence with whatever they're dealing with, often making it much worse. And by the time the truth finally comes out, it's already been so long.
What kind of things am I talking about? I guess they can range from hardly noticeable things to really severe. Some people have a secret reason for being mean and inconsiderate. Or some people who seem like they have it all don't take it for granted while most people see them as snobby because of what they have. There are some things that we all hear about, but never really associate with the people that surround us. Mental illness, being a huge part, along with everything it brings. Depression. Self injury. Eating Disorders. Alcoholism. Abuse of drugs. Mood disorders. There are so many effects it has on people, and while it's right infront of our faces, we often can't see it.
I've learned so many secrets that having a secret has almost become the norm, in my world. In other happier, more sheltered worlds, people don't deal with this. It just depends on the people you're exposed to.
I don't regret any type of exposure I've had, within myself, or anyone around me. I think it makes for a better perspective on life, and it's kind of comforting, in a way.
Telling people is a way to solve these problems.
It's so easy to minimize the silent suffering if we all just stood up and said it.
Say it. I dare you.
Sometimes the prettiest person is actually really ugly.
Sometimes the dumbest people just don't know how to express their brilliance.
Sometimes the meanest people are actually nice and just compensating for something.
Sometimes the quietest people just want to scream.
Sometimes the pessimists are just afraid to be hopeful.
Sometimes the most hopeful people have lost it all.
Sometimes the happiest person is covering their sadness.
So open your eyes.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Concentration
... is a concept easier said than done. I've learned that today while trying to study for upcoming exams.
It has actually become a real effort to try and buckle down hit the books. I had to mentally prepare myself for 24 hrs before hand. Have fun today. Go to work tomorrow. Come home. Study.
Was it always this way?
I swear, when I was younger, studying for two hours straight was no big deal. What else was I going to do anyway? I didn't have a phone to text people, or facebook, at that point. I could sit in front a computer and even use the internet without somehow navigating towards all those time waster sites (youtube, facebook, twitter... you know who you are).
Another common mistake? Multi-tasking. Ever have an msn conversation go like this?
You: Hey. What are you up to?
Friend: Oh, you know, doing homework.
Really? I've tried that... doesn't really work. Usually, it's brainless stuff, like math questions or spanish grammar I'm doing while maintaining a conversation. But you don't really absorb what you're supposed to be learning. I can't even imagine trying to memorize something while simultaneously listening to your friend describe her latest pair of high tops.
Oh well. Experience gives me hope: as in, I know so many people who manage to pull it off in the end, sacrificing many lost hours of sleep.
I treasure sleep. So, my goal? Trying to muster my best brains over the next two weeks for studying.
If you have the same goal, I wish all the best luck to you.
If not, then... good luck with that.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
It has actually become a real effort to try and buckle down hit the books. I had to mentally prepare myself for 24 hrs before hand. Have fun today. Go to work tomorrow. Come home. Study.
Was it always this way?
I swear, when I was younger, studying for two hours straight was no big deal. What else was I going to do anyway? I didn't have a phone to text people, or facebook, at that point. I could sit in front a computer and even use the internet without somehow navigating towards all those time waster sites (youtube, facebook, twitter... you know who you are).
Another common mistake? Multi-tasking. Ever have an msn conversation go like this?
You: Hey. What are you up to?
Friend: Oh, you know, doing homework.
Really? I've tried that... doesn't really work. Usually, it's brainless stuff, like math questions or spanish grammar I'm doing while maintaining a conversation. But you don't really absorb what you're supposed to be learning. I can't even imagine trying to memorize something while simultaneously listening to your friend describe her latest pair of high tops.
Oh well. Experience gives me hope: as in, I know so many people who manage to pull it off in the end, sacrificing many lost hours of sleep.
I treasure sleep. So, my goal? Trying to muster my best brains over the next two weeks for studying.
If you have the same goal, I wish all the best luck to you.
If not, then... good luck with that.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Getting Away With it
... feels really good. Great, even. Satisfying. Rebellious. Wild. Free. Relieving. Those are some of the words I can put to it.
Sometimes, you just have to live a little. In this life, we are told to live by all of the rules honestly. Be home by curfew. Don't drink. Don't smoke. So, we all have some morals. But wouldn't you do it if you weren't going to get caught?
I guess a line has to be drawn somewhere though. For example, you can't just go out and murder someone and get away with it. But sometimes, someone needs to get their ass kicked to know what's good for them. See, if someone is being a total jerk and even physically assaults others themself, then it should be legally and karmically okay for some other hero to go beat them up. In my opinion, anyway... I'm not advocating violence or something like a crazy person...
Also, sometimes you need to make the mistake yourself to know it's wrong. I think many teens find this with drinking. They get absolutely piss drunk one time, and nothing happens. They get absolutely piss drunk again, and they can't remember anything, get robbed, their house gets trashed, they can't walk straight, they puke their whole intestinal track and get busted by their parents. Would that person ever want to be in the vicinity of alcohol again? Nope. Lesson learned.
Though, I thoroughly believe that teens should do something crazy, at LEAST once before the dreaded adulthood. Everything is going to have risks, but sometimes, it's worth it. For example, sneaking out, just to say you did. Or sleeping over at a boy's house... because you want to. Or skinny dipping in peoples' pools all around the neighbourhood (apparently, it's a good time). Just do something. Seriously. Or else, you might regret it.
A famous someone once said: "I don't regret the things I did; I only regret the things I didn't do."
I don't remember who that was, but I guess they can be considered clever and wise on some level.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Sometimes, you just have to live a little. In this life, we are told to live by all of the rules honestly. Be home by curfew. Don't drink. Don't smoke. So, we all have some morals. But wouldn't you do it if you weren't going to get caught?
I guess a line has to be drawn somewhere though. For example, you can't just go out and murder someone and get away with it. But sometimes, someone needs to get their ass kicked to know what's good for them. See, if someone is being a total jerk and even physically assaults others themself, then it should be legally and karmically okay for some other hero to go beat them up. In my opinion, anyway... I'm not advocating violence or something like a crazy person...
Also, sometimes you need to make the mistake yourself to know it's wrong. I think many teens find this with drinking. They get absolutely piss drunk one time, and nothing happens. They get absolutely piss drunk again, and they can't remember anything, get robbed, their house gets trashed, they can't walk straight, they puke their whole intestinal track and get busted by their parents. Would that person ever want to be in the vicinity of alcohol again? Nope. Lesson learned.
Though, I thoroughly believe that teens should do something crazy, at LEAST once before the dreaded adulthood. Everything is going to have risks, but sometimes, it's worth it. For example, sneaking out, just to say you did. Or sleeping over at a boy's house... because you want to. Or skinny dipping in peoples' pools all around the neighbourhood (apparently, it's a good time). Just do something. Seriously. Or else, you might regret it.
A famous someone once said: "I don't regret the things I did; I only regret the things I didn't do."
I don't remember who that was, but I guess they can be considered clever and wise on some level.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Thursday, June 3, 2010
True Love
... is something that's not often found, but treasured when it is. Or at least it should be. Even the best couples can sometimes treat each other like crap. But that's not the point.
Today, I was talking to my lovely friend Marissa, and I asked her something. I asked her, "Do you think people can have more than one soul mate, or are there multiple ones out there?". She began to tell me that she believes that people can belong with more than one person, and even have more than one soul mate. It would be varying levels of love, and different types of love. I only agree with her on one point, which is that there are different types of love. Obviously, what people feel is different for everyone.
But something about there being one person absolutely perfect for you makes me feel happy. It's almost magical (sorry for the lame cliche). Think about it this way: if our souls are created (by whatever you believe in... God, Allah, the wind) like puzzle pieces, then maybe everyone has a corresponding puzzle piece (and as Marissa pointed out, the girls would have the indent section where the boys would connect their protruding section... make sense?). And everyone may not find that special someone, and settle for whoever they fall in love with. Which isn't always a bad thing, since you would still be in love. But maybe, whether you know it or not, your perfect mate is out there. And who knows, maybe you two weren't even put in the same time era. I think it's something incredible for two people to find their absolute perfect match, no matter what age, circumstance... You'd never really know if you were meant to be with someone you let go, which is sad. But I guess the point is that you end up happy with whoever you're with.
And I quote: "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with."
And if you think you found your puzzle piece, don't let anything take them away. It might just ruin the whole picture.
Well, as lame, and apparently hopelessly romantic as I am.
- K
Today, I was talking to my lovely friend Marissa, and I asked her something. I asked her, "Do you think people can have more than one soul mate, or are there multiple ones out there?". She began to tell me that she believes that people can belong with more than one person, and even have more than one soul mate. It would be varying levels of love, and different types of love. I only agree with her on one point, which is that there are different types of love. Obviously, what people feel is different for everyone.
But something about there being one person absolutely perfect for you makes me feel happy. It's almost magical (sorry for the lame cliche). Think about it this way: if our souls are created (by whatever you believe in... God, Allah, the wind) like puzzle pieces, then maybe everyone has a corresponding puzzle piece (and as Marissa pointed out, the girls would have the indent section where the boys would connect their protruding section... make sense?). And everyone may not find that special someone, and settle for whoever they fall in love with. Which isn't always a bad thing, since you would still be in love. But maybe, whether you know it or not, your perfect mate is out there. And who knows, maybe you two weren't even put in the same time era. I think it's something incredible for two people to find their absolute perfect match, no matter what age, circumstance... You'd never really know if you were meant to be with someone you let go, which is sad. But I guess the point is that you end up happy with whoever you're with.
And I quote: "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with."
And if you think you found your puzzle piece, don't let anything take them away. It might just ruin the whole picture.
Well, as lame, and apparently hopelessly romantic as I am.
- K
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Appreciation For the Small Things
...is something people, including myself, lack sometimes. People think they need elaborate plans and metaphysical decorations in life. Today, it was raining (and still is)... but I thought I'd stand in it. Have you ever just felt the rain? It smells really good. I like to do stuff like that a lot... and try to close my mind off to anything else going on around me. Close my eyes. Deep breath in. Nothing else matters in that moment. It's kind of cliche like yoga style... but I think we could take more time to do it. Trying to absorb everything about a special moment is what it's all about. Honestly, I believe the meaning to life is based on the small moments. If you look at the big picture too much and only think about the future, you get lost in the mosaic pieces of life. JUST HOLD YOUR FRIKIN HORSES... and listen to the rain.
Wow, profound much? Maybe not. Maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about... it was just kind of a random inspiration after a good day with my sister and mother.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Wow, profound much? Maybe not. Maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about... it was just kind of a random inspiration after a good day with my sister and mother.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Time Management
...is something I'm not good at. But, I have created this time consuming blog anyway, inspired by my friend Maddy. I've read her blog recently, and it's kind of made me want to start my own; to have this outlet to express my random thoughts. Someone to talk to when no one is listening. I suppose it's helpful during lonely times, to pretend like someone will read this and maybe absorb some inspiration from it. Who knows how long I can keep up with this anyway... I kind of fail at Twitter. I got that a long time ago and only update my status (or whatever it is? I sound like an uneducated adult) every 20 days or so. Some people are constantly on it.. which I don't get. Facebook is more my style. Although I thought I could resist, it seems as if I've become addicted to it anyway. Usually, homework time is split with facebook time.. hence my poor time management. Symptoms of my facebook addiction? Fatigue... from staying up WAY too late because I'm on facebook or I'm recovering lost time from being on it. Stalker behaviours... because it's just too easy to know what everyone is up to at any given time. I try to get outside more anyway. Old people say it's our generation... but I find comfort in the thought that old people made it that way.
So thanks.
For our laziness.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
So thanks.
For our laziness.
Well, as lame as I am.
- K
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