Perfect Little Mary

... is that girl that we think is perfect. The girl who has everything, the girl who is gorgeous, and seems so happy. What could be wrong with her? Nothing. She's perfect. I want to be her.
But if there's anything I've learned this year, it's that not everyone is what they seem. Not even myself.
Perfect Little Mary is my friend. She's beautiful, strong and popular. She has so many friends, and most people love her. She leads a fun little life, just going through high school and making her place. Everyone sees the smile on the outside, but no one hears the crying on the inside.
Perfect Little Mary has a secret. I can hardly bring myself to even think of her disease without wanting to cry. Perfect Little Mary struggles with herself, to a severe degree. She's sad, and she doesn't know what to do. In Perfect Little Mary, I see me.
She has so much sadness and guilt, and she takes it all out on herself. Scars rake her body and she's become a slave to the porcelain. She needs an outlet for her anger, as she cannot just let go of it, like most people. But what do I tell Mary?
So far, I've told her that the longer it goes on, the harder it is to stop. I know that's something that helped me.. just thinking about the promise of next time would just be more challengning. Also, reaching out to people makes the process of recovery so much better, since everyone can be there for you.
But everything she does cannot just be switched off. Life would be so much easier that way. . and we could avoid years of therapy and relapse.
Perfect Little Mary scares me. She reminds me too much of myself. What I once was.. and on some level, still am. Somewhere. I feel like it's a dormant stage right now.. but I think it will always be there.

Perfect Little Mary, a message for you : Please stop this. I know it's difficult, but you have to try. I love you. I have so surpress my screams that build up in my throat when I think about what's happening.

Well, as lame as I am.

- K